Plot Synopsis: Love is Hell

   This story came around with the incredibly awesome, ironic, paradoxical, funny idea for a romance parody: a girl falls in love with Satan. Lucifer. The Devil. Prince of Darkness. That Satan.
   The Plotline I have right now is an incomplete skeleton. The main character, a 27-year-old woman named Eveline Gardener is visiting her brother Michael at the hospital. Michael has been struggling with cancer for three years, and he was told by his doctor earlier that year that he had six months to live. Those six months have passed. Eve (get the reference? ;) ) has always had a strange connection with Mike, her twin brother. She's visiting him, and they are alone in the room (their parents have died in recent years, and they had very few extended family). She feels the life leaving Mike, and she feels a negative force in the room taking her brother away. Mike was once a Catholic, but his parents were totalitarian in their religious beliefs, and after leaving home he became atheist, which by Catholic standards is plenty enough to condemn one to Hell. Eve realizes this, and calls out to the apparition. At first nothing happens, but Eve goes over to the ouiga board she gave him a few weeks ago. As teenagers, they had gone to haunted places and played with the particular board that is now sitting in the hospital room at a table in the corner of the room. She begins to use it, and Satan makes himself visible to her, asking her what she wants. She tells him that she needs her brother to stay alive, and the Devil replies that the only way to do that is to give him her soul, and he gives her three days to think about it.
   After a tumultuous three days, she is unsure what to decide when the Prince of Darkness again appears, demanding an answer. After several seconds of consideration, she agrees. The rest of the story documents her subsequent development of Stockholm Syndrome, and her plunge into dependent insanity as she does the devil's bidding, desperate to dwell with him forever in Hell, the Queen of Brimstone. After a shootout in an abandoned home in which Eveline is killed, she arrives in the afterlife to find God, who tells her that he is placing her in Paradise. Tormented, she asks why he would do that after all the horrible things she's done. He replies that for her, Paradise is eternal punishment, which is what she deserves.
   I think the idea of this romance novel is very new, and VERY ironic in many ways. At the same time, it is dark and blasphemous, but sarcastic. It fits my personality and writing style really well, and if I do it right it can be very successful commercially.
   Thoughts? Ideas? Protests? Suggestions?

Dreams

Warning: Due to the fact that most people wouldn't recognize sarcasm if it hit them in the face, I must inform the reader that EVERYTHING I say in this post is sarcastic, and no, I don't actually believe any of this crap.

   Dreams could be a huge variety of things. They could be mental introspection, they could be visions of the future, they could be otherworld alien communication who-knows-what; they could be ANYTHING. But I think that dreams are artificially implanted by the government as propaganda tools to persuade people to do what the federal government wants. The government has the ability to implant these visions because they maintain contact with a superior alien race through Area 51, and they got the technology from them. How else do you think we invented the light bulb or the Atomic Bomb or space travel or computers? Aliens gave us the technology, because humans just aren't smart enough to come up with that stuff on their own. So dreams are just a way for the government and their off-planet sponsors to control our minds and actions while we sleep. How else did Obama get elected, right? And you know what? I think all the aliens on that planet are American, because America is the single greatest nation ever created! Our country has lasted for a whole two hundred years! Therefore, Uncle Sam is an alien, and he wants YOU to join the United States Navy.

Okay, NOW I'm being serious. I honestly think dreams are a way for our mind to release stress, because when I dream I often dream about situations that are stressing me out being resolved and fixed. That's all fine and dandy, but it sucks when you wake up and realize that none of that stuff actually happened and you still have to resolve that problem.

Embarassment

Oh man.
Remember that time when that really embarrassing thing happened?
And you wanted to crawl under a rock a die? When you were sure that your life was ruined? Remember that?

Yes, I do remember when that embarrassing thing happened, but I wasn't sure my life was ruined...I just thought it was a good possibility. Actually, that embarrassing thing I'm thinking about right now wasn't actually all that embarrassing. It was awkward, but not terribly bad. There's a second incident that's even more awkward than this first one, so let's get started.

   The first really awkward thing happened when I was at scout camp a few years ago. There was a guy there that I really didn't like at all. He was a huge show-off and thought he was great at everything he did. To make him even more dislike-able for me, he was a drummer and he was in the High School's drama department. Those two things=a LOT of arrogance. I thought he was the most jerky, annoying dude in the world.
   I get annoyed at this guy when we're playing a game of cops and robbers (yes, I did play that still) in the mountains, around a small lake. I'm running, and I see him booking it after some of the guys on the other team see him. But he doesn't just run until they stop chasing him; he runs halfway around the lake, where he knows no one will go. And he doesn't come back after the game ends, so three or four other guys have to go out and look for him.
   They finally found him and were coming back, and I was walking with a couple of friends and talking about how annoying he was and how he thought he was such a great athlete and other stuff. I'm doing this, and I hear him say something behind me. Then he says: "I'm right here, you know" to me. I was even more peeved at the guy after that, but it was very awkward for a few minutes.

But that was a lame example of embarrassment or awkwardness. So I'll give you a blind date story.

   It was the week  before the Sweethearts dance at the local high school. I hadn't been asked, but all my friends had, and I made a bet with them that I wouldn't be asked by the time the dance came around. So the next day, my friend who I made the bet with shows up in the place where we'd all hang out before school, and he's got a girl with him. I realize what's going on, and she looks even more uncomfortable then I do. So I ask her if she wants to ask me something, which at that time is probably the dumbest thing I could possibly say in that situation. She doesn't say anything, but my friend pipes up and says that he found someone for me to go with. Hooray......?
   I get the ticket and the flowers and the blah blah blah, and before I know it it's time for the date before the dance starts. We play a board game and eat dinner. I was nice to my date, but most of the time I was talking to someone else from my group of friends that I actually knew, because I didn't know this girl anyways. Things were super awkward until we got in the car to go to the dance, and things weren't that bad, but they were still awkward. I talked to her more, but there were two other girls in the massive group of about 14 people we had that I had a crush on, and I spent a lot of time talking to them, which undoubtedly was a GREAT idea. Then we got to the dance, and I barely talked to her, instead talking to the people I knew and the ladies I liked. But I was nice to the girl I'd been set up with and I made an effort to talk to her and include her (after the first hour of the date...), so she gave me a hug when I was saying goodbye at her doorstep and it was very nice. But still awkward.