Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Writing: "Darkness Rising" Chapter Four (unfinished)

Better then chapter three, but I'm only doing this for feedback. No copying, lest ye die.



        Chapter Four

Rayolin sped down the ID-2 at ninety miles an hour, listening to his music in silence. Everyone else in the car had fallen asleep almost an hour ago. His thoughts wandered until he started thinking about the Martyrist at the gas station that had tried to kill him. I wonder if he had a family. Rayolin thought. He shook his head and dismissed any thoughts about the man’s humanity. He had been on the run from the church for ten years before finally settling in Valhark. He’d changed his name and identity and waited to move until he was sure that the Martyrists thought he was dead.
And they had. He had remained safe for almost three years, convincing Asenath and Liriel to join him in hiding. Handellen was the only one the church knew was still alive, and it had cost him. Now he was on the run again, and he had reason to believe that the Martyrists knew he was alive. He had been seen in Vorshig, and a few of the attackers might have recognized him.
He began to change lanes, but the sound of a car horn rang out and he saw that there had been a car sitting in his blind spot. He sped up and changed lanes without any more trouble. ID-2 went directly from Kittim to Vorshig, so he didn’t have to change roadways at all. Rayolin forced himself to stay awake. There was still another hour and a half of driving to do before they got to the city, and it wouldn’t help if Rayolin fell asleep at the wheel. After ten more minutes Itham woke up and groaned as he rubbed his eyes.
“How long have I been asleep?” He asked tiredly.
“About an hour ago,” Rayolin said. “There’s another hour and a half until we reach Kittim.” Itham nodded and leaned back again, falling asleep quickly. Rayolin continued driving, thinking again about the seven years he had spent on the run. Caladon had been quick to send men after him after he had left the church, planning to tell a large group of people about Caladon’s mobilization plans. Even after Caladon died, his successor had still sent people to bring them in. Nothing would be more embarrassing for the church than an exposed plan to attack the Creed.
Suddenly the car in front of Rayolin slowed down. Rayolin hit the brakes hard, stopping just in time. It looked like there had been an accident ahead, and traffic had slowed dramatically. Rayolin tapped the wheel impatiently, waiting for the cars ahead of him to move. They sat there for five minutes before the car in front of him started moving at a snail’s pace. Rayolin yelled in exasperation and changed lanes, ignoring the car he had butted in front of. He accelerated quickly, changing lanes again so he could go faster. Finally he got through the slow traffic and started going the speed he had gone before. The car in front of him was going slower than the speed limit, so Rayolin put on his signal to change lanes again.
As he checked his mirror to make sure he was clear, he noticed that the car right behind him was the same car he had changed lanes in front of a few minutes ago. Suspicious, he changed lanes. The car behind him did as well. Rayolin smiled. At least they’re obvious about following me, Rayolin thought. He sped up until he was going a hundred and six miles per hour and changed lanes several times. He slowed back down and noticed that the car was still following him. Rayolin swore and started weaving between cars, careful to avoid speeding too much so that he wouldn’t get pulled over.
The car followed him the entire way, pulling next to him in the opposite lane. Rayolin noticed that there was another traffic jam ahead, so he sped up. He missed the congestion barely, and the car that had been following him didn’t make it at all. He shouted in relief as he continued down the interdistrict.
They were almost at Kittim when Itham woke up again.
“Twenty more minutes, and we’re there.” Rayolin told him before he could say anything. Itham nodded and yawned, but did not go back to sleep this time.
He heard a gunning car engine behind him, and a car pulled next to him, matching Rayolin’s speed. Rayolin sped up before another car pulled into the other lane next to him, both cars rolling down their windows and shooting. The bullets hit the windows, but they were bulletproof. Rayolin swore again as he felt a pull on the ring on his finger. The ring had a quartz gemstone in the center, a counterstone against people trying to Arcanically attack him with any form of Procurial magic.
He figured that since they were chasing him, they were probably going to try to take his will so he would pull to the side and stop. They probably also had a couple of Houndsmen in their, men with Arcanically enhanced smell who could follow a trail across long distances. He reached out with his own Arcanic power and tried to wear down several things, including the tires. But the church had outfitted the car with counterstones, so Rayolin could not break down any part of the car.
Itham sat wide-eyed in the backseat, terrified that the two cars would kill them. Asenath had woken up as soon as the gunfire had started, and was loading her own weapon now. Liriel was the only one still asleep.
“Rayolin, there aren’t any counterstones on this road!” Asenath shouted. He looked at the road and saw that she was right. He concentrated, mentally breaking the world down into the tiny building blocks he envisioned whenever he destroyed something Arcanically. He tore up as much of the road as he could and sighed as one of the cars hit the hole at ninety miles an hour. He continued driving, and winced as he heard several cars behind him crash as a result of what he had done. Can’t do that anymore, he thought.
Instead he concentrated on the gasoline burning in the engine of his car while Asenath held the wheel. He broke down the gas, making it react more violently. He was pushed back in his seat as the car accelerated to a speed faster than most vehicles could go. He heard horns honk as he passed them, knowing that he would be reported to the police. He would have to worry about that after he got to Kittim.
He continued increasing the combustion reaction to keep the car at its current speed. As the gasoline reserves dwindled, he took a break to take the wheel and let Asenath build up more. It wouldn’t be the same as actual gas, but it would work well enough to get them where they needed to go. They had lost the car several miles back, but Rayolin wasn’t going to take any chances. He didn’t want them catching up again.
His grip on the steering wheel relaxed as they entered the city of Kittim. He turned onto an old cobblestone street and pulled up to the Hall of Miracles. He got out of the car and looked around. There were ten cars parked right in front of the Hall and on the adjacent street. There was a middle-aged man talking to several policemen near the front door, and an ambulance was driving away.
“What happened here?” Itham asked.
“Don’t know. Probably something to do with the Martyrists.” He walked over to the man who was talking and addressed the policemen.
“What happened?” He said.
“There’s been an attack at this building. Several injured, but none killed thankfully.”
“Who was responsible?”
“Several Heriamite men without any form of I.D. They haven’t been identified yet.” He said.
“Are they related in any way?”
“Ah, there you are Rayolin.” Said another man who had just come out of the Hall. 

And just for kicks and giggles, I'll include a brief outline of the chapter that I wrote a while back.


The chapter starts from Rayolin’s point of view. He is the only person awake in the car. He drives for several minutes before noticing that a car is following him. He grows suspicious, and tries to lose it in the interdistrict. He finally loses the car, but two more cars start shooting at him. An Arcanist in one of the cars tries to take away Rayolin’s will, but he has a countershield ring on, so their attempts to control him fail. He tries to knock one of the cars out of the chase by wearing down the tires, but their tires have countershields on as well. So instead he wears down the road, causing the car to hit a newly formed pothole and crash at freeway speeds. The culture is heavily influenced by the competition between magic and nonmagic, so theoretically the road should be implemented with gemstones, but this particular road has not because the cost of setting gems in every road in the kingdom is monumentally expensive. Rayolin outdistances the other car by using his power to cause the reactions in the car’s engines to happen faster, thus enabling the car to speed up for a short time. At this point he wakes up Asenath, who replenishes the depleted gasoline by building a replacement that isn’t as effective as actual gasoline but gets the job done until they can get more gas. They finally get to Kittim, and stop at the Miracle center (change name to something cooler) that is there (miracle center is kittim equivalent for hall of miracles.) the chapter ends when they find out that the miracle center in Kittim has been attacked as well, but almost everyone survived the attack. The city had received warning after Vorshig and prepared for a possible attack. Despite tight security the attack still got through but the assailants were quickly captured after a brief firefight.
 

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