Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Writing: "Darkness Rising" Chapter Three

Before you read this one, I have to warn you that it is complete and utter crap. I am embarrassed to have written such horribly done characters, but I need to know how to do better with characters, so I'm mainly posting this because I need a little feedback. This is 100% my idea, and if anyone copies any of this stuff then I will get after them. Don't even try to enjoy this one, because it's so bad. Don't even talk to me about Lareth, okay? He is easily the worst of the bunch.



       Chapter Three

            A whip snapped through the air as the struggled in the taskmaster’s grip. It hit his exposed back with a loud crack, and he screamed in pain. He whimpered as the whip came up for another hit, screaming louder when it hit the second time.
            Javan turned away, unable to watch any longer. Nathan had once been a member of the Nathalael middle class, but had been caught in the act of robbing a priest. The punishment had been slavery. He was being whipped because he had been caught trying to escape, a crime usually punished by death. But Nathan had been put on the lists of those who would be sacrificed in the Temple of the Sun at the end of the harvest season, and Nathan had tried to run.
            Javan went back to work as the screaming continued. He blocked the sounds from his mind, focusing only on the task at hand. He gathered more wheat, putting it in a container several feet away. After several more minutes, the screaming stopped. Javan turned back for a minute, watching the taskmasters carry Nathan’s unconscious form into Rathanel’s house, the door shutting behind them. Several Salashien took advantage of this opportunity to rest, but Javan shook his head and continued working.
            The taskmasters came back out again. They yelled at the slaves that had not returned to their positions quickly enough, and praised those that were working. The taskmasters were only cruel to those who disobeyed their will. He felt a hand clap his shoulder, and looked behind him. Inithi was a taskmaster, but for some reason he had taken a liking to Javan. He was more lenient towards him, and for that most of the other slaves hated him.
            “Good job, Javan.” Inithi said. “I didn’t think I’d have to tell you to get back to work, and you didn’t surprise me.”
            Javan noticed that many of the taskmasters were shepherding the slaves into the house. “What’s going on, Inithi?” He asked.
            “The city priest has ordered an evacuation.”
            “An evacuation? Why?” Javan said.
            “A group of Kalathi soldiers are headed toward Nod.”
            The King’s men must have made it back to the first group and continued fighting, Javan thought. He had assumed that the ambushing forces had wiped them out. He thought fast, reaching conclusions quickly. If I can avoid the evacuation, than I’ll be reunited with the King’s Men and escape slavery. He nodded to Inithi and walked into the house. He walked up a flight of stairs to an oak door and knocked before entering.
            “Rathanel, its Javan.” He said.
            “Come in, Javan.” Rathanel said. Javan entered the room to see Rathanel standing next to the window, loading a gun. “The city is going to be attacked, and I will be aiding its defense.” He put the gun on the bed and loaded another one. “I’m going to be supplying many of Nod’s defenders with firearms.”
            “Are we going out of the city?” Javan said.
            “Yes. I can’t trust most of your fellow Salashien with a shovel, let alone a gun.”
            Javan nodded. “I trust I’ll be in charge of them?”
            “No, you won’t.” Rathanel said, shaking his head. “You’re going to be leaving the city by yourself.”
            Javan frowned. “But why?” He said cautiously. Most slaves that were sent out of the city alone were killed or sold to another captor. Thoughts of escape surfaced to the forefront of his mind, but he brushed those aside.
            “Because I’m going to be releasing you, Javan,” He said. “You will be given back to the Kalathi soldiers when the Priest goes to parlay. You will be leaving with them.”
            Javan ignored the tears welling up in his eyes. “So I’ll be free?” He said.
            “As much as I hate to say it, yes. You will be free.” The tears slid down Javan’s cheeks, but he didn’t wipe them off. “You were one of the best slaves I have had, Javan. I will be missing your work.” He said. Javan nodded, and left the room. He went to his quarters and let loose his welled up emotions. He had made friends in Nod, but now he would be going back to his wife and grandchildren, who likely thought he was dead. He came back to the main hall after several minutes. He was walking toward the door when Inithi’s hand clapped his shoulder again.
            “Where you going, Javan?” He said.
            “Inithi, if you would be so kind as to escort Javan to the Priest’s home.” Rathanel said as he entered the hall. “He will be released to his fellow soldiers at parlay.” Inithi nodded, and together they walked to his car. They did not speak on the way to the Priest. The drive was short, and Inithi waved briefly as Javan walked toward the Priest’s house. He kicked the door, the Nathalael equivalent of knocking. At Rathanel’s farm he had knocked because he was informal most of the time, but here he would follow the Nathalael customs. The door opened, revealing a tall, fat man.
            “Are you Rathanel’s soldier?” The man asked him, looking down.
            “Yes,” Javan said.
            “You’re a lot older than I expected.” He said. “Come in, and I will bring you to the Priest.” The Priests home was humble, being only one floor. The only servant the Priest had was the man who had answered the door. They walked into a room with a small bed in one corner and a small bookshelf in the other corner. A man, presumably the Priest, was meditating on the floor.
            “Priest, I have the soldier you requested for the parlay.” The servant said.
            The man looked up. “Good.” He looked Javan up and down. “Leave the room, Nardeth. I would like to speak to the veteran alone for a minute.” The Priest got up as Nardeth left the room. “You are older than I expected you to be.” He said.
            “That’s what your servant said, as well.” Javan said politely, trying to avoid offending the priest in any way.
            “Have you fought in any wars other than the one we fight now?” The Priest asked.
            “I served for six years in the Kalathi military forty years ago, Priest.” Javan said.
            “I presume you fought in the last war against my nation as well, or are my assumptions incorrect?” The Priest said calmly.
            “You presume correctly.” Javan said carefully. “I was twenty-one when I joined, a young man who wanted to fight for his King.”
            “And the wars then didn’t give you your fill of battle?” The Priest said. “Why did you join the military again, thirty-eight years later?”
            Javan paused. “I don’t know, Priest.” The Priest nodded, and sat back down.
            “You may rest until we are ready to leave, which will be at Highsun. He closed his eyes, and Javan left the room. He searched for Nardeth, and asked him for some food. He ate and went to sleep on the floor in the small hallway near the front door. He woke up and checked the clock in the kitchen. It was five minutes to Highsun. He went back into the Priest’s room. He stopped as he entered, his joints aching. He had aged well, but it was finally beginning to get to him. The Priest got up, opening his eyes and putting on a pair of glasses that had been resting on the bookshelf. “Very well,” He said, “We will go.” They left the house, walking toward the edge of the small city. They approached the Kalathi army and saw them firing at a large group of Nathalael troops that were taking cover behind a barricade of cars. The Priest paused for a moment and ran to the group of Nathalael soldiers.
            “What’s going on?” The Priest said to one of the men taking cover.
            “Several of our men started to fire at the Kalathi, sir.” He said. “They fired back.”
            “Who fired?” The soldier pointed to four men who were firing above the bullet-ridden cars. The Priest walked over to them and shot all four of them in the head. “Ceasefire!” The Priest yelled. The Nathalael stopped firing and looked at him, awaiting commands. A couple of the soldiers protested but were silenced by the others. He walked around the cars toward the Kalathi, his hands held above his head. Javan followed him, noticing several of the King’s Men reloading their weapons. Javan was shocked to see Reuel Eleazar at the front of the army, his face dirty and flecked with blood.
            “I believe I called for a parlay.” The Priest said.
            Reuel clenched his fists tightly. “We were ready to answer it, Priest,” He spat, “But your men started shooting at us. We only returned fire.” He said.
            “I know what my men have done.” The Priest said. “I have killed the four men that violated this meeting and your trust.”
            Reuel nodded and looked at Javan, making eye contact. “Javan? Is that you?” He asked. Most of the soldiers at the front gasped when they recognized him from the beginning of the campaign five years ago
            “He was Salashien to a man in the city.” The Priest said. “He has been released from servitude to be given back to the group he once belonged to.” Reuel nodded in shock as Javan walked over, clasping the King’s brother in a brief embrace before standing next to him.
            “We would like to stop this conflict here, without any further bloodshed.” The Priest said. “The gods have told us at our last meeting in the summer to end this war as soon as possible, or our nation will fall.”
            Reuel nodded again. “We would like that as well, as soon as my men and I know why you initiated the conflict in the first place.”
            The Priest paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts before he spoke. “Will you talk to me in private?”
            Reuel went with the Priest to a nearby building. As they talked, Javan looked back at the men that were assembled behind him. He spotted a familiar face near the front, making eye contact briefly before Lareth Eleazar turned away from him. Javan turned his eyes away from Lareth to talk to the soldiers that were questioning him. He recognized about a third of the faces in the company, but the rest were all new to him. Either the King’s Men had been reinforced over the past five years, or Javan’s memory was failing, probably both. He turned to where he had last seen Lareth, but he had left. His attention shifted as Reuel came back to the company.
            “What’s going to happen, Commander?” One of the men asked. It seemed that Lareth was no longer commander over the company. With the way that he and Elan had been treated, it was probably a good thing.
            “We’re going to negotiate a treaty as soon as the High Priest comes from The Temple of the Sun.” The men cheered as Reuel said this. “If the negotiations work out, we’ll be going home.” The entire company cheered. “But for now,” Reuel said, “We need to set up camp.”
            The soldiers scattered and began setting up tents. Javan walked through the crowd, looking for the Crown Prince. He bumped into someone as he was walking past.
            “Javan!” A voice exclaimed.
            “Wiren? What are you doing here?” Javan asked as the man shook his hand with vigor. “I thought you were going to leave the company!”
            Wiren was one of the quartermasters whose tour had ended just before the ambush that ended with Javan as a slave. He was a medium sized, stocky man with long hair and a clean-shaven face. He broke into a smile.
“I was,” He replied, but a large group of new men came in right before I was scheduled to leave. We already had a shortage of competent quartermasters, so I was asked to stay for another year.”
            “Then you should have left four years ago!” Javan said. “You didn’t upset the Crown Prince, did you?”
            The man shook his head. “Even if I had, he wouldn’t have been able to do a thing about it. He was released from command by his uncle a couple of months after the ambush.”
            “What for?” Javan said.
            “The way he treated you and Elan, he was doing that with everybody after the ambush. During meetings he would lash out without warning. Rumor went around that being saved by Elan after treating him so badly and then watching the kid die messed him up. But I’m not sure if I believe that. You’d have to ask him yourself.”
            “Take care, Wiren.” Javan said as they parted.
            He wandered around the camp for almost two hours before he saw Reuel Eleazar talking to someone who Javan didn’t recognize. He could tell from the markings on his uniform that the man was a general. Javan waited for the two men to finish talking before he addressed Reuel.
            “Commander, I’ve been looking for your nephew.” Javan told him.
            “He’s in the tent over there with the gold emblem on it.” Reuel said. Javan nodded and went to the tent. He announced his presence and entered when a voice gruffly replied to come in.
            Lareth Eleazar had grown a lot since Javan had seen him. The boy had to be at least twenty-two now, because he had been seventeen when the ambush had happened. He sat on the chair that had been set up in the corner of the room and waited for Lareth to speak. For ten minutes the room was silent. Finally Javan cleared his throat, looking at the clock hanging on the wall.
            “You’ve grown a lot, Lareth.” Javan said.
            “I don’t think that’s all you have to say, grandfather.” Lareth said with a poisonous tone. “Are you going to insult me, or tell me how badly I led the company?”
            Javan paused for a moment before speaking. “You were a terrible leader,”
Javan began,
            “Exactly! What did the soldiers tell you? That I was released from command from my uncle because I was doing such a terrible job?! Is that what they told you?” Lareth shouted. Javan nodded slowly.
            “They were lying! I wasn’t released from command, I gave up command. I quit! Those rumors were another attempt to slander me!”
            “Why are you telling me this?” Javan asked him.
            “Because you’re the one that started it!” Lareth yelled. “You’re the one that started the ridicule in the first place! I gave up my position because I’m not fit for command. I watched the man I had been cruel to die after saving me, not because he thought I was important, but because I was the Crown Prince!”
            “Don’t talk to me about Elan!” Javan yelled back. “He didn’t die because you were the Crown Prince, he died because he didn’t have time to get out of the way.” Javan slowed his breathing to a more normal pace, struggling to keep his temper.
            “Get out,” Lareth said. Javan did nothing, but continued to sit. “GET OUT!” Lareth screamed. Javan got up, saluting to the Prince before leaving the tent. He walked around for a few minutes until he found Wiren again, and asked him where he could get new equipment. After being issued new equipment, he set up his gear and retired without eating. He sat late into the night, thinking about the events of the past five years before falling asleep without interruption for the first time in five years.

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